Straight to gay men com
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The only way we can make progress in eliminating homophobia is to own the problem. Don’t be an actor within the play that the status quo wants to cast you in.īe real, vulnerable, and open to the possibility that expressing what you’re afraid of might bring you the greatest gifts in life. What you desire from straight-acting isn’t real - acting is a fiction based upon reality that you are tying to box yourself into. It’s why your life is a facade - a play - and you are the classic, straight-acting male lead. Is this why you never smile and why you’re still so angry? It’s hard to come out of the heteronormative closet that has you hating yourself for having any kind of feelings or mannerisms remotely feminine.
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When you play straight-convincing long enough, it’s hard to let go. Maybe that’s how you always got picked for the team. Maybe that’s how you avoided being singled out.
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When you grew up you were safest when you appeared like the other boys. Is that part of the problem? Is that your problem? Are you attracted to the feminine in men but ashamed to admit it? Or do you secretly feel things that don’t involve “being a real man” and make you feel more… feminine? What if you got to know another man - another gay man - simply for who they are? Why do you hate being gay so much you call yourself straight-acting? Hold on a moment!
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No one is forcing you to be attracted to something that you’re not. Saying that out loud hurts because by saying it you disqualify another human being. I’m not ignorant of the pain false masculinity causes other men who have grown up ashamed for being more naturally feminine. So am I, but I’m not an asshole about it. You are in your strength as a gay man if you are naturally masculine - if that’s how others see you and who you are without thought - without having to act or force yourself to be that way. Strength can only be expressed with it’s corresponding or opposite feminine characteristic, flexibility. Straight-acting is a misidentification borne of fear and ignorance, and possibly self-preservation. One of the so-called characteristics of masculinity is strength. Wondering, What the Heck is Genderfluid? Read Zanne Nilsson’s post: The perception limits understanding and critical thinking. That kind of fixed identity limits one’s perception and acceptance of the world. We are not a fixed representations of a number of human characteristics - including gender - nor are we only one but never another. We respond more truthfully to the world around us in different ways, at different times. This label defies the truth of your identity - you are more than a collection of mannerisms and characteristics that fall mostly on one side of the spectrum of feminine or masculine. So what? When you label yourself straight-acting, you are mis-identifying. Yet you exist in the masculine domain without question or contemplation. You might love the touch, connection, intimacy, and partnership with another man. In truth, you might be de facto straight-appearing. How does straight-acting hurt others? As a gay man, if you call yourself straight-acting, you’re making things worse for every other man, of any sexual persuasion, who happens to be more on the side of the feminine in his characteristics and mannerisms. Going too far to one extreme induces the possibility of violence to prove one’s gender. This only goes to show the fragility of gender as a construct. These hyper-masculine men FEAR gay men… oh the irony. “You’re either a man or a woman and nothing in between!”Ĭan you see how that enables violence in hyper-masculine straight men with a limited understanding of the diversity of masculinity? These are the men who fear homosexuality and cause the greatest harm, verbal or physical, to both women and “gay” men. Where did he go? That’s so stupid it’s biblical! Before that we believed in a pantheon of gods led by Zeus. Two thirds of the world still believes a collection of ancient texts, based on oral tradition, that are over 2,000 years old. We used to think witches caused sickness and illness, until someone discovered viruses and a cure in penicillin. Gender is a social construct designed to control people. Many of us are not alive today because of homophobic bigotry. Many of us have far deeper, physical wounds that prove the violence of homophobia. How ignorant! My skins is hard as fuck from years of feeling stigmatized and less than. They think we don’t have thick enough skins. They falsely believe that as gay people we’re the problem, because we talk about oppression. While we’re still fighting regressive politics, oppressive regimes, and bigoted evangelical Christians who want to send us to conversion therapy (or concentration) camps, we also have to fight the homphbobic virus within ourselves.